Heart to Heart
by Echidne and Jyestha
Summary: Hermione busts Harry and Ron's evening of telling secrets and having a ‘heart to heart’ ... ooo personal questions! It's not slashy, but very cute! (FANGIRLS!)


"If you had the choice of maturity physically and," Ron paused to giggle, "Sexually a full before any of you're friends, or at about the same time as your friends, which would you choose? Why?"  
  
Harry thought for a moment before giving his deep reply. "Well, Ron.you're my only friend. And well.I don't want to think about Hermione having sex."  
  
"She's probably having sex right now in Bohemia with Viktor," said Ron dreamily.  
  
"So, I think I would," declared Harry. "An extra year of sex sounds like fun."  
  
"But. no one would have sex with you!" Ron cried.  
  
"Sure! Loads of women would want to have sex with me! I'm number 3 on Witch Weekly sexiest man!"  
  
"Number Three," said Ron gravely. "You are only number three. Meaning that there are two other men out there that the general female population would rather be doing."  
  
"Well. Dumbledore was placed at Number Two!" Harry said.  
  
"EWW!!!" Ron cried. "Err? Why?"  
  
"I think it said something about a great mind over the body.." Harry trailed over. Dumbledore had a nice body, for an old guy.  
  
"Dumbledore has a nice body, for an old guy," mused Ron. "True, the beard hides his chest." He blushed and waved his hand towards Harry. "Uh, continue."  
  
"How could I be more like Dumbledore," mused Harry.  
  
"You could have threesomes with McGonagall and Snape?" suggested Ron. Harry wrinkled his nose.  
  
"Uh, no. McGonagall is old."  
  
"Ask another question!" Ron asked, trying to push that image of the three elders making sweet love.  
  
Ron flushed again and began to read from Dr. Greg Stock's PH D's Book of Questions for Young Magical People. "Uh.what would you do if everyone in your family forgot your birthday?"  
  
"Well, they LOCKED me in a CUPBOARD!" said Harry tearfully. "They don't really love me."  
  
"There, there Harry," said Ron soothingly. "My family didn't forget. You need to think of us as your family! Let us IN!" he paused. "Metaphorically speaking. that is."  
  
"Oh Ron-,"  
  
The door to the boy's dorm opened. It was Hermione. "Hello Boys! What are you doing?"  
  
"I thought you were in Bohemia!"  
  
"I was!" giggled Hermione flopping on Ron's bed. "But now I'm back! It was lovely!"  
  
"How's Vicky?" asked Harry.  
  
"He's a tiger," said Hermione flippantly.  
  
"Um, Hermione? Ew," announced Ron.  
  
She shook her head. "No, really. he is currently a feline. My potion went wrong."  
  
".. You turned the star Bulgarian Quidditch star into. a tiger?" mused Harry.  
  
"Shh! Don't tell!" said Hermione, nervously. "So, what are you doing? You look so. cozy?"  
  
"We're telling secrets and having a 'heart to heart' by asking each other. personal questions!" Ron squeaked.  
  
". Isn't that called Gay sex?" Hermione asked.  
  
"NO!"  
  
Harry struggled to defend his masculinity. "See Hermy.we ask deep, thoughtful questions."  
  
"Try me," she challenged.  
  
Ron raised his eyebrows and grabbed the book. "Uh.ever been with another women?"  
  
"Yes," said Hermione calmly.  
  
Ron paled, "What?"  
  
"Yes.. It was sort of a drunken threesome thing. me. Vicky. and your sister."  
  
"My Ginny? My little sister!"  
  
"Oh. yea. and your mom, Harry."  
  
"Hermione, my mum is dead."  
  
"Yeah. she was pretty ripe."  
  
"This is getting gross," shuddered Ron. "Let's change the subject, shall we?"  
  
Harry's eyes darkened. "This year, I am going to kill the Dark Master."  
  
"BATOR!" screamed all of his friends joyfully. (A/N: Read it out loud.)  
  
"Um. and your mum.. And your mum," Ron finished lamely.  
  
THE END (A/N: Well.. This is really, truly. wrong. and really, truly. god awful. But at least we didn't use any naughty language. that's a first! But we refuse to apologize for this, its Saturday afternoon and we cant find anything else to do.. MILKSHAKES!!!!)  
  
(Sarah's milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.)  
  
REVIEW 


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